Not Trans Enough
Gender. In coming out as gender variant we are told to expect revulsion. From families, friends, employers, nameless, faceless masses known as the world. What we don't expect is to be condemned by members of our own community for not following somebody else' idea of transition.
And thus I am... Not Trans Enough. Impure, queer, condemned yet again.
Damn me: for embracing my individuality
Damn me: for exploring my sexuality and relishing its uniquely diverse nature
Damn me: for publicly celebrating the fluidity of my gender
And damn me: for refusing to hide in yet another closet
37 years: spent living a falsehood
37 years: dying slowly inside
37 years: conveying the image others expected of me
37 years: lost, depressed, antisocial, and desperate
I will not lose another day of my life
I will not live up to the expectations of anyone but myself
I will not present a false persona ever again
I damn sure will not accept forced adherence to a bullshit gender binary
I will not comply
I will not be trans enough
And so I exist, feminine in presentation, yet much more diverse in mind and spirit.
Unafraid of the possibilities of life
Unashamed of my body and mind
Unabashed in my public presence
Unrestrained in my diverse sexuality
Uncertain of tomorrow but always excited at its prospects
I will never be trans enough.
But I will always be Claire enough
and I will enjoy every ounce of life
and I will allow others the same
But I wonder: Does that make me Queer enough?